Hillary? Hillary? What? It's 3 a.m.? Yes, I know that. Look, I'm sorry if I woke you up. But you said you were fine with 3 a.m. calls. I'm calling because we have a serious crisis on our hands. And I thought of you immediately, because you're right, you're the only person who might be able to defuse the situation. We've got a problem with John McCain, Hillary. Remember him? I know, you've been so busy lately trying to destroy Barack Obama that McCain probably slipped your mind. That's why I had to call. Hillary, listen: This country could be in serious danger if McCain becomes president. His national security policies are a recipe for endless conflagration, especially in the Middle East. Saying McCain's a "hawk" is an understatement. McCain makes Dick Cheney and Donald Rumsfeld look like cute little parakeets. No kidding. Remember "Bomb, Bomb, Bomb, Bomb Bomb Iran?" Ha ha.No, no, you're right, it wasn't funny. And by the way, McCain says your Iraq strategy would constitute "surrender ... waving the white flag." What's that? You don't want to see McCain become president either?Then withdraw from the Democratic race right now, Hillary. Whoa! Don't get so irritated. It's just that the longer you stay in, the more help you give McCain and the right.Stop being so mean? I'm not trying to be mean, Hillary. Please, get yourself another pillow if you want one. You're smart and you're tough, and you've blazed an important trail. But at 3 a.m. -- dark-night-of-the-soul time -- we need to be realistic. Let's do the math together. Do you want to go find a calculator? No? Sorry, of course you're good at math. OK -- so before this week's primaries, Obama had 1,192 pledged delegates, and you had 1,036. On Tuesday, you won in Ohio, Texas and Rhode Island, and MSNBC estimates that after the results have been fully tabulated, you'll have eroded Obama's original 156-delegate lead by ... somewhere between seven and 13 pledged delegates. Whoop-de-do. What? Oh sure, you did manage to...
This also appears in:
Comments